The Short Version
If The Let Them Theory helped you, the ideas behind it go much deeper. Here are six books to read next, from ancient philosophy to modern friendship science.
The Courage To Be Disliked
Number one: The Courage to Be Disliked, by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. It’s a conversation between a philosopher and a young man, based on the psychologist Alfred Adler.
Its big idea is separating tasks: what other people think of you is their task, not yours. That’s Let Them, almost word for word. If you only pick one, pick this.
Codependent No More
Number two: Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie, from nineteen eighty six. It’s the original book about stopping rescuing, and letting people face their own choices.
If the chapters on helping someone who’s struggling hit home, this is the classic, and it goes much deeper.
The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F
Number three: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F, by Mark Manson, from twenty sixteen. It’s about choosing what to care about, and letting the rest go.
It’s funnier and more blunt than Mel, with the same lesson underneath.
Set Boundaries Find Peace
Number four: Set Boundaries, Find Peace, by therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab, from twenty twenty one. It explains what a boundary actually is, and how to say it out loud.
This fills the biggest gap in Let Them. Mel tells you to stop controlling people. Tawwab tells you what to do when they cross a line.
Platonic
Number five: Platonic, by psychologist Marisa G. Franco, from twenty twenty two. It’s the science of making and keeping friends as an adult.
If the friendship chapters were your favorite, this is the deep dive, with real research on why you should go first.
The Good Life
Number six: The Good Life, by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz, from twenty twenty three. It’s built on the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has followed people’s lives since nineteen thirty eight.
Waldinger is interviewed in Mel’s book. His finding is that relationships matter more than almost anything for a happy, healthy life.
How To Choose
So, how to choose. For the philosophy behind Let Them, The Courage to Be Disliked. For family and rescuing, Codependent No More. For a funny, blunt version, The Subtle Art.
For boundaries, Set Boundaries, Find Peace. For friendship, Platonic. And for the research on what makes a good life, The Good Life.
Your Turn
Which one are you picking up first? Tell me in the comments. My summary and review are linked below.
