Intro
After the review and the summary, here are six habits from How to Win Friends and Influence People that I think still work today, and one worry about the whole approach.
Skip The Criticism
First, skip the criticism. Before you correct someone, ask whether it will change anything. Most of the time it will only make them defensive.
If you must give feedback, start with something specific that they did well, and then ask a question instead of making a statement.
Learn Names
Second, learn names. The book says that a person’s name is the sweetest sound to them. Try repeating it once when you meet, and use it again before you leave.
If you are bad at names, say so. People forgive a forgotten name far more easily when you ask again with a smile.
Listen More Than You Talk
Third, listen more than you talk. Ask a question, wait for the whole answer, and ask a follow up. It sounds simple, but most of us are planning what to say next.
In my experience, people may forget what you said, but they remember that you listened.
Admit Mistakes Fast
Fourth, admit mistakes fast. When you are wrong, say so quickly and clearly, without excuses. It disarms the other person, and it is often the end of the argument.
Let People Save Face
Fifth, let people save face. If you have to correct someone in front of others, do it gently, or wait and do it privately. In my view, humiliation is remembered long after the point is forgotten.
Make Them Feel Important
Sixth, give sincere appreciation. Notice effort, not only results, and say something specific. A short, honest compliment is one of the most powerful things you can offer.
The Worry
Now the worry. If these habits become tricks, they stop working. People can tell when a smile or a compliment is a technique.
The book’s answer is sincerity. The honest version is to be curious about people, so the habits come naturally. I think that is the right way to read it.
Where To Start
If you try only one habit this week, make it listening. Ask one real question in every conversation, and wait for the whole answer.
Links to the book are in the description below. Tell me in the comments which habit you will try first, and thanks for watching.
