Before You Meet
There are twelve questions, plus a few bonus ones, with a note on where each one comes from in the book. Fair warning, the questions contain spoilers, so finish the book first.
Because this memoir covers abuse by a parent, eating disorders, alcohol and grief, I would start your meeting with a content note. Tell everyone they can pass on any question, or step out, without explaining. And remember, this is a real person’s life, so we are discussing a book, not judging her. If anyone in your group is struggling with food or their body, encourage them to talk to a doctor or licensed professional. In the United States, you can call or text nine eight eight in a crisis.
A Quick Reminder of the Story
In case anyone needs a refresher, here is the story in a minute. Jennette grows up in a crowded house in Garden Grove, California, where her mother, who has survived cancer, pushes her into acting at six. She becomes a child actor, and at about eleven her mother teaches her to restrict her food. At fourteen, she gets her first series regular role on iCarly. Her mother’s cancer returns, her mother dies, and after that she faces bulimia, alcohol and grief. In the later chapters she finds out something about her father, goes to therapy, and decides to stop acting.
Keep this reminder handy, because the book jumps around in tone, and it helps to know where each question sits.
Questions One and Two: The Title and the Humor
The title is a shocking sentence, and by my search it does not appear anywhere in the text. So start there. What did you expect when you picked it up? Did the book match that? By the last chapter, what do you think the title means?
Question two. The book is darkly funny from the first page. How did the humor affect you? Did it make the hard parts easier to read, or harder? Where did a joke feel like a way of coping?
Questions Three and Four: The Prologue and the Wish
The prologue shows Jennette beside her mother in the ICU, telling her unconscious mother about her weight. Why do you think the author opened the book with that scene instead of starting at the beginning? What did you understand about her by the end of that page?
Question four. In chapter one, at six, she uses her birthday wish to ask that her mom will stay alive another year. How does that wish shape the book? What does it say about the responsibility a child can take on?
Questions Five and Six: Control and Love
Her mother is warm, funny and generous in some scenes, and frightening in others. The book never makes her one thing. Which scenes made you see her as a loving mother, and which made you see control? Can both be true at once?
Question six. Jennette studies her mother’s expressions so she always knows what to do. She describes knowing the difference between irritated and outraged. What does it cost a child to live like that? Do you recognize this skill in anyone you know?
Question Seven: Faith and Rituals
The family is Latter-day Saints, and church is described as an escape. Later, Jennette believes the Holy Ghost is giving her rituals to do. How did the book handle religion? Was it respectful, critical, or both? What did you make of the moment she asks the voice in her head whether it is the Holy Ghost or OCD?
Question Eight: A Child at Work
Jennette starts acting at six, works long days and learns to cry on cue. Her mother says it is a special skill. Who, in the book, notices that she should be allowed to be a kid? Think of her grandfather in chapter twenty three. Who else could have spoken up, and why do you think they did not?
Questions Nine and Ten: Food and the Body
Her mother teaches her calorie restriction at about eleven, and later the book follows bulimia and recovery. Notice how the book describes the eating disorder as something that gave her control. How did it handle this topic? Did it feel responsible? Did anything about the way it was told surprise you?
Question ten. Recovery here is slow and ordinary, with worksheets, group therapy and learning to eat meals. Why do you think the author spent so many chapters on it? How does it compare to other stories about recovery you have read?
Question Eleven: Power and Silence
The Creator is warm and generous one day and frightening the next. At one point, Jennette’s team presents an offer of three hundred thousand dollars in exchange for never speaking publicly about her experience, and she turns it down. What does the book suggest about why adults around her stayed quiet? What responsibility do the people around a child star have?
Question Twelve: The Last Chapter
At her mother’s grave, Jennette asks why we romanticize the dead, especially mothers. Then she names what she believes her mother did, and she also says she misses her. Do you think it is possible to grieve someone you also hold responsible? Did the final chapter feel earned? What do you make of the way it ends?
Bonus Questions
If you have time, here are a few extras. The copyright page says the names and identifying details of some people have been changed. How does that affect the way you read a memoir? The book is told from one point of view. What can a memoir do that a more objective account cannot? And one more: Jennette’s friendship with her co star Miranda is one of the warm threads in the book. What did that friendship give her that she could not get at home? And lastly, who would you recommend this book to, and who would you warn away?
Where to Look in the Book
If you want to point your group to specific pages, here are the chapters I used. The birthday wish is chapter one. The conversation about the Holy Ghost and OCD is chapter seventeen. Crying on cue is chapter twenty one, and her grandfather’s kind words are chapter twenty three. Calorie restriction begins in chapter twenty five. The three hundred thousand dollar offer is in chapter sixty four. The last scene at the grave is chapter ninety one.
Those chapter numbers come from my copy, the ebook, so a print edition may be paginated differently, but the chapter numbers should match.
Hosting Tips
To finish, a few ideas for hosting. Share the content note first. Keep the discussion on the book and the author’s own words, not on guesses about real people who are not in the room. Have a calm break in the middle. And end with something light, like your favorite funny moment, so the group does not leave on the heaviest note.
Thanks for watching. My review and summary are linked on bookexplained.com, and a subscribe helps more than you know. See you next time.
